Jadual Harian Amalan Mulia

previously i have posted about '20 Amalan Murah Rezeki'. i remembered that i posted it. but i dont recall all the details. as the imaam said in his 'khutbah', we need to be reminded again and again on doing deed...

then recently i received another email regarding the matter. the facts are the same but this one comes with a creatively designed reference schedule. itz an interesting approach there - the schedule. but itz rather jumbled or at least thatz how i see it.

but i printed it out anyway and paste it on my cubicle. just to keep myself reminded :)

anyway, as it was shared to me, im sharing it to the public.

insyaAllah, it'll be useful. here's the url: 20 Amalan Mulia

Just for laughs: "Pak Di yang kaya"

Mari kita relaxkan otak seketika dgn lawak jenaka. sila baca ceritera di bawah...

Ada seorang pak cik yang bernama Pak Di yang sangat kaya. 

Setiap hari beliau akan menyimpan RM1000 di bank. Setiap
hari tepat pukul 9 pagi Pak Di dah pun bersiap sedia terpacak
di kaunter bank untuk menympan RM1000 nya.

Setelah lebih kurang setahun berlalu, kehadirannya setiap hari
disedari oleh Manager Bank. Menager Bank itu pun memanggilnya
ke office dan bertanya...

Manager : Setiap hari saya lihat pak cik akan menyimpan
RM1000 di bank. Apa kerja pak cik?

Pak Di : Saya ni sebenarnya tak de kerja encik. Cuma saya suka
bertaruh. Setiap hari saya akan bertaruh dan saya tak pernah kalah.

Manager : Ooo... ini sudah cukup bagus. Tapi pak cik mungkin belum
bertemu dengan orang yang teror macam saya ni. Kalau pak cik
bertaruh dengan saya jangan haraplah nak menang.

Pak Di : Iye ke? Kalau macam tu jom kita bertaruh.

Manager : Okay. Sebutkan apa saja pak cik nak bertaruh dengan saya.

Pak Di : Macam ni... dalam tempoh 7 hari dari sekarang encik akan
kehilangan telur encik. Kalau betul encik akan hilang RM1000,
kalau tak saya akan bayar encik RM1000.

Manager : Hahaha.. tak logiklah pak cik. Tapi tak pe... saya setuju.

Setelah kedua-duanya bersetuju, mereka pun beredar. Besoknya bila
bangun pagi Manager tu pun meraba telurnya.. ooh masih ada. Begitulah
seterusnya hinggalah sampai ke hari yang ketujuh dia dapati telurnya
masih lagi ada..

Dengan suka hatinya Manager tersebut pun pergilah berjumpa dengan Pak Di.

Manager : Pak cik sorrylah ye.. telur saya masih lagi ada..

Pak Di : Betul ke? Aku tak percaya... Mari sini aku pegang...

Lalu dipegangnya anu Manager tu. Sambil tersenyum Pak Di pun berkata..

Pak Di : Okaylah.. Betul kata kau. Nah ambil RM1000 ni. Pak Di pun menghulurkannya.

Manager : Hari ni baru pak cik tahu siapa yang terror...
Sorrylah pak cik hari ni pak cik tak dapat pergi bank lagi keh.. keh.. keh...

Tiba-tiba Pak Di mengeluarkan RM4000 dan pergi ke kaunter bank. Manager
tersebut rasa hairan lalu bertanya pada Pak Di..

Manager : mana pak cik dapat duit sebanyak tu?

Pak Di : Pak cik bertaruh dengan kawan pak cik Guard kat luar tu tadi RM5000.

Manager : Bertaruh apa?

Pak Di : Bertaruh yang pak cik dapat pegang telur Manager Bank...

Manager : Tak guna punya orang tua!!

Attitude Determines Altitude

ATTITUDE DETERMINES ALTITUDE

I woke up early today, excited over all that I
get to do before the clock strikes midnight.
I have responsibilities to fulfill today.
I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day
I am going to have.

Today I can complain
because the weather is rainy
or I can be thankful that the grass
is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad
because I don't have more money or
I can be more grateful
for the many things that I already have.

Today I can grumble about my health
or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents
didn't give me when I was growing up
or I can feel grateful
that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns
or I can celebrate
that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn for my lack of friends
or I can excitedly embark upon a quest
to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine
because I have to go to work
or I can shout for joy
because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain
because I have to go to school
or I can eagerly open my mind and fill it
with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly
because I have to do housework
or I can feel honored
because the Lord has provided
shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me,
waiting to be shaped.
And here I am, the sculptor
who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me.
I'm the one who gets to choose
what kind of day I will have!

~ Author Unknown ~

Mr Bean Jokes

dug this out from my old inbox. kinda funny. have a laugh... :)

1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR
Doctor    : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor    : Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor    : Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher    : What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean    : 9
Teacher    : What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean    : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk    : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend    : What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend    : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: Four asterisks (****)!

5) MARRIAGE:
Friend    : How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend    : Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend    : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend    : What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend    : condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend    : what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague    : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean    : That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) SPELLING LESSON:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean        : Make it three c to be sure!

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH SMART ANSWERS

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple


GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??


BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??


BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??


SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.


MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.


WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.


MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.


Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".


Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us ligh t only in the day time when we don't need it".


Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".


Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"


My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".


7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".


8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".


9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".


Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".


Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."


Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Q and A anyone? =)

Below are five (5) questions.
You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.



Ready? GO!!!



First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?


Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!


Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


Third Question:
Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?



Did you get 5000?





The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! =D



Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. 
What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Answer: Nunu?



NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. 
Read the question again! ;p

Okay, now the Fifth and Final Question:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?




Answer:
He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

Beberapa panduan Imam Al- Ghazali supaya kita tidak bersifat sombong dan angkuh

1. Jika berjumpa dengan kanak-kanak, anggaplah kanak-kanak itu lebih mulia daripada kita, kerana kanak-kanak ini belum banyak melakukan dosa daripada kita.

2. Apabila bertemu dengan orang tua, anggaplah dia lebih mulia daripada kita kerana dia sudah lama beribadat.

3. Jika berjumpa dengan orang alim, anggaplah dia lebih mulia daripada kita kerana banyak ilmu yang telah mereka pelajari dan ketahui.

4. Apabila melihat orang jahil, anggaplah mereka lebih mulia daripada kita kerana mereka membuat dosa dalam kejahilan, sedangkan kita membuat dosa dalam keadaan mengetahui.

5. Jika melihat orang jahat, jangan anggap kita lebih mulia kerana mungkin satu hari nanti dia akan insaf dan bertaubat atas kesalahannya.

6. Apabila bertemu dengan orang kafir, katakan didalam hati bahawa mungkin pada suatu hari nanti mereka akan diberi hidayah oleh Allah dan akan memluk Islam, maka segala dosa mereka akan diampuni oleh Allah.

Cermin Diri - Membentuk Keperibadian Mulia

1. Senyum itu tanda kemesraan, diberi kepada manusia dianggap sedekah. Ketawa itu lambang kelalaian. Selalu dilakukan hati akan mati. Dibuat di hadapan manusia menghilangkan maruah diri.

2. Setiap kesalahan yang dilakukan jadikanlah pengajaran, insaflah ini tanda kelemahan diri, kesalilah keterlanjuran itu dan berazamlah tidak mengulanginya lagi.

3. Syukur nikmat dan sabar di dalam ujian amat mudah diucapkan tetapi amat sulit dilaksanakan.

4. Kesenangan dan kemewahan selalunya membawa kepada kesombongan dan kelalaian. Kesusahan dan penderitaan itu, selalunya membawa kekecewaan dan putus asa, kecuali orang yang mukmin.

5. Di antara tanda-tanda orang-orang yang sombong itu cepat melahirkan sifat marah, suka memotong percakapan orang, suka bermujadalah yakni bertegang leher, nampak di mukanya rasa tidak senang jika ada orang yang lebih darinya di satu majlis, bercakap meninggikan suara, pantang ditegur, tidak ada tanda-tanda kesal di atas kesalahan.

6. Orang yang sudah hilang sifat marah - dayus, cepat melahirkan sifat marah - lemah mujahadah. Orang yang ada sifat marah tapi dapat disembunyikan kecuali di tempat-tempat yang munasabah inilah manusia normal.

7. Tahu diri kita hamba itu adalah ilmu, merasa diri kita itu hamba itu penghayatan, yang kedua inilah akan lahir sifat tawadhuk, malu, khusyuk, takut, hina dan lain-lain lagi sifat kehambaan.

8. Jika kita mengingati dosa, kita tidak nampak lagi kebaikan kita, apatah lagi untuk dibanggakan.

9. Lahirkan kemesraan kita sesama manusia kerana itu adalah haknya tapi jangan putus hati kita dengan ALLAH, ini adalah hakNYA pula.

10.Apabila rasa senang dengan pujian, rasa sakit dengan kehinaan menunjukkan kita ada kepentingan peribadi, tanda kita tidak ikhlas membuat kebaikan.